American psychologists, explore the 'sinking feeling' experienced during disagreements.
Imagine you are in a conversation. You have just taken a different stance from the other person's opinion. Immediately, you sense a "different energy" in the room. Facial expressions change, and so does the tone of voice. The other person may move towards latent aggressiveness or lash out verbally (let's not even consider getting physical).
You notice these external changes, but something happens inside you, too. Long before the other person audibly reacts, there is this "sinking feeling" right in your tummy. Some describe this as barbed wire waves, heaviness, or a poisonous octopus. These descriptions may fit your experience, but you probably have your own words. I am sure you know what I am discussing. I describe it here as the "sinking feeling."
This sinking feeling is hard to hold. To avoid experiencing it, we might avoid taking a stance, making decisions based on our values, or sticking to our boundaries. There are a couple of things we need to know:
The other person lashes out or shows latent aggressiveness because you responded differently from what they expected or wanted. Reactions have a purpose, and so does lashing out or latent aggressiveness. In other words, how they react is the other person's choice and has an explicit or implicit goal.
The "sinking feeling" is here because you are under attack, not because you have done something wrong.
Even if you try to never disappoint, always please, and oblige, never develop or change, you have no control over how the other person hears or sees you and how they decide to react to it. Moreover, how you live, manage your work, and build your business depends on others. By staying loyal to yourself, you will encounter this sinking feeling.
We might discover that self-development does not automatically give us a feel-good experience, as many glamour gurus want us to believe. Nonetheless, I'd rather walk my path and sink occasionally than be walked by others while sunk. Trust your gut feeling. It's a powerful guide that helps you navigate interactions and life decisions. Embrace, understand, and let it lead you towards a more authentic and self-fulfilled life.
Although your gut's sinking feeling is difficult, it might not be helpful to label it as negative. What do you think?
Photo by Dima Solomin on Unsplash
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